“The greatness of a community is most accurately measured by the compassionate actions of its members”
By Humaira,
Thank you for your comments and emails following the loss of my mom, Jeja, to Covid on January 7th. Some of you have written for the first time and others I’ve known over the years. I feel like I’m being cradled, lifted and supported, by a community that I didn’t know I had.
Writing a blog is a strange experience because you put a lot of yourself out in the world but you never know who is receiving it and how they are reacting to it. I’m heartened that so many of you have connected to my stories about Jeja and have grown to love Afghan food and culture. I'm heartened that our message of putting our differences aside to find common ground so we can connect across cultures, religions, and borders has resonated with so many of you.
I have realized that grief for losing a loved one right now, during this pandemic, does not follow the neatly outlined ‘five stages of grief & loss” widely prescribed by therapists.
In the past two weeks, I’ve experienced a tsunami of feelings—fear, guilt, denial, isolation, guilt, anger, isolation, depression, isolation, guilt, bargaining with the mortuary, regret, guilt, isolation, bargaining with family members to not come to the burial, guilt, isolation, depression, guilt, isolation.
I now REALLY understand the despair 398,000 American families have felt as they watched their loved ones perish from this disease. Sadly my mother is now included in these stats. I FINALLY understand the devastation that our world has suffered over the past eleven months.
New research shows that for every Covid death, 9 additional people are directly affected. For many people, including my family, the loss is sudden and unexpected and many of the mourners do not have a community to support them. So, thank you for being my virtual community. Your soothing words have really lifted me up, out of my grief.
If you know of anyone who is suffering from Covid related loss and are in need of support, the CDC has a comprehensive list of resources and coping techniques that might be helpful to them.
I spent last week with my siblings in Los Angeles arranging for Jeja’s burial, cleaning her room, and taking care of odds and ends. I'm home now. The grief is hitting me hard but I know I will be okay because so many people are thinking of me and praying for me and Jeja.