by Humaira
My mother, Khadija Ghilzai, passed away yesterday, January 7th, from complications of Covid-19. My mom who everyone affectionately called Jeja, was a fantastic cook but I had not taken the time to learn any of her recipes. At a time when my children were in middle school and I was facing my own mortality, I realized that Jeja was not going to be with us forever so I dedicated myself to recording her recipes which ended up becoming this blog.
It all began with me following her around the kitchen with a pen and paper, jotting down every ingredient and technique, and learning how to cook. She often got frustrated when I insisted on measuring the ingredients she normally eyeballed in the palm of her hand. In the give and take of mother and daughter, teacher and student in the close quarters of her kitchen, I realized that Jeja showed her love not by hugs, kisses or praise but by lovingly preparing our favorite dishes when we visited and then filling large Tupperware dishes with qabili palau to take home.
Jeja was born on January 31, 1937 to an artist father and homemaker mother. She contracted polio as an infant, which stunted the growth of her left leg and left her limping for the rest of her life. My mother’s formal education ended in the 6th grade, which was a source of sadness and regret all her life. Despite the discrimination, teasing, and bullying she faced for her limp, she was a vibrant young woman who loved Bollywood movies, Afghan classical and modern music, sewing, knitting, and the latest fashions from Europe, as indicated in the photo above. She enjoyed the company of her five sisters and numerous cousins and, I’m told, at sleepovers she was the instigator of pillow fights.
Khadija and Ghulam Farouq Ghilzai, my parents
She married my father, Ghulam Farouq Ghilzai, and they had six children (I’m second to last). My father was a diplomat so we traveled and lived in India and Pakistan. After returning to Afghanistan from my father’s last posting, in India, my family settled in Kabul where my mother and two friends started a bustling handmade children’s clothing store in the posh Shar-e-Now District of Kabul. Unfortunately, Russia invaded Afghanistan in 1979.
Life under the communist regime became unbearable. Jeja lost her business and soon much more... My father was stranded in the US, unable to return to Afghanistan. Jeja single-handedly arranged for me, my sister Zohra, my brother Tamim, her aunt, and a nephew to escape Afghanistan, crossing the Pakistan border with the help of smugglers. We spent almost a year in refugee housing in Pakistan and then Germany until we finally made our way to the US to join my father and elder siblings.
In the US Jeja worked in a pillow-making factory and had many other odd jobs so she and my father would not have to accept welfare to support their family. She always stressed to me and my sisters that we should get an education, speak up for what we believe in, and don’t let any man tell us what to do.
Jeja lost her husband and eldest son, Farid Ghilzai, prematurely which was a great source of sadness in her late years. Among friends and family, Jeja is known to be a straight shooter, always speaking her mind and always standing on the side of justice. She has lived a challenging but dignified life.
Thanksgiving 2019
In the last few years, Jeja kept a close eye on Afghanistan’s political situation and she became a big fan of the Afghan national football (soccer) team, watching Afghan television programming available via cable from her home in Los Angeles. We often talked about politics, women’s rights issues, and her favorite Afghan musician. Jeja supported several charities dedicated to helping Afghan women and never shied away from soliciting funds for causes she believed in.
Jeja is survived by her five children Nabila Ghilzai, Waheed Ghilzai, Zohra Ghilzai, Humaira Ghilzai, and Tamim Ghilzai. She is dearly loved by her five grandchildren, Abe, Shamayel, Sutter, Sofia, Amelia and Eliza. She is admired by her son-in-laws Gregory Parish and Jim Morris. Jeja’s sisters Mayen Hokuki, Nadia Sharif, and sister-in-law Magol Noori, along with their children will miss her very much.